heavenlydecree | (no subject)

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[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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It's nothing.

[Takatora's words, clearly, very obviously, were a lie. If that hadn't been made obvious by the uncomfortable reaction he'd had to the nails in his shoulder, then the shaking of his hands gave it away. It was likely the weakest Takatora had ever allowed himself to be in front of his brother in a long time, other than the occasional moment they spent alone together at home. He kept his gaze down, unwilling to look at his brother, as he tapped his fingers on the top of the desk to try to channel out his tension.

Also, on top of everything else, Takatora couldn't shake how uncomfortable Mitsuzane's phrasing had made him. Unfortunately, that sort of thing was far from the truth, but he couldn't very well mention something like that.]

Nii-san...

[He lowered his gaze a bit, flicking his gaze upwards again for a moment before looking away again. He had a hunch, but not much more than that. He knew Takatora had a Driver as well, but he still wasn't sure how much combat he'd engaged in. He wasn't entirely clear where pushing this would go, but he needed to know as much as he could if he were to keep the people he cared about safe.]

[The cute act didn't work on anyone, but he'd noticed how his brother stopped when he spoke to him. He didn't think he'd get a full explanation, but he did know that his guard would lower. Every movement, every breath, was a hint. Nothing was a secret when you knew how people worked. It was just a matter of getting them to give you enough information.]

... I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry, I guess. I just worry about you. You're... really the only family that's around, so I can't help but be concerned.

[It really had to be amazing to watch, how easily Takatora allowed himself to be manipulated by sweet words from someone he cared about. It started with Mitsuzane's usual address for him, then the genuine display of concern. For a moment, Takatora had wanted to question whether Mitsuzane was being honest with him, but he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to know the truth. It took a few moments and a few deep breaths for Takatora's hands to stop shaking quite as much, at which point he leaned back in his seat and raised a hand to lightly, very carefully, rub at his shoulder.

How was he supposed to save the world if he was so weak?]

It's an old injury. A few years ago. ... it never healed correctly.

[If that was right... then whatever what was going on was going on for a while. He closed his textbook and stood, walking over to Takatora's chair. He carefully put a hand on his older brother's shoulder - on the back, having taken note of where he was rubbing. He carefully pressed his fingers into Takatora's shoulder, doing his best to avoid the injury and just rub the muscle around it.]

You should have seen someone... you should have gotten this taken care of. I knew something was wrong. You shouldn't have hid something like that from me - I could have helped you. At least understood better.

[He placed his other hand on his brother's other shoulder, leaning in enough that the other could feel his breath.]

I don't like it when you keep secrets from me, nii-san. I want you to be able to trust me. I can't help you if you don't.

Edited 2014-09-22 06:56 (UTC)

[As soon as Mitsuzane's hand touched his shoulder, Takatora had jumped, immediately turning away and protectively placing his hand over the wound. Reacting in such a way was something Takatora had never done to his brother, but having anyone's hands near that spot (especially after it had just been irritated by Ryouma) was something so unfamiliar after the last few years that it caught him off guard. After so many months of recovery, Takatora had been exceedingly careful to avoid bumping it, brushing it, putting too much weight on that side of his body, or allowing anyone the opportunity to touch him there.

It took a moment to realize what he'd done, his heart sinking a bit as he hoped he hadn't upset his brother.]

I'm sorry... Please don't...

[He immediately took his hands off of his brother's shoulders, lowering his head a bit.]

... I'm sorry. I thought maybe I could help. I guess whatever's going on, I'm not old enough to know, right? I'm still just a student. I'm sure you're all right. I just... I don't like seeing you hurting.

[He walked back to where he had been sitting, kneeling to adjust his bookbag. There wasn't really anything to adjust, but keeping his back turned to Takatora... hopefully it would create enough awkwardness and pressure for something to crack.]

[Mitsuzane's reaction made Takatora's heart feel like it had dropped through the floor. As soon as he had started speaking, Takatora stood up and started around the side of the desk towards him, grabbing for one of Mitsuzane's shoulders.]

Mitsuzane...

[He paused, looking over his shoulder at his brother.]

... I don't want to push you. I know you have enough to deal with. But... family is family, right? I just want to help you. Protect you, even, if I have to, because that's part of what family is for.

You cannot protect me. I need you to realize that.

[The words had slipped out before Takatora could stop them, in his sudden haze of stress and anxiety. That had been far too revealing, which meant he immediately shifted gears to try and cover up his mistake. He slid his other hand up to Mitsuzane's other shoulder, turning his younger brother to face him.]

There are a lot of things I can't tell you. It's not because you're not old enough. I want to protect you. It's my duty as your older brother and your guardian. To pull you into this world, you would never be able to go back. I want you to enjoy your life as long as you can, without this kind of responsibility.

['Enjoy his life'. Did Takatora really think he enjoyed the routine of being a 'perfect child'? He allowed himself to reveal a brief scowl, before looking back up at Takatora. He let out a sigh, shaking his head.]

But you're shouldering things alone, Takatora. You might be my guardian, but you're not really... I don't mean to say that you're not doing a good job, but I just worry that there are things that I could help you shoulder that you're not letting me help with. If it's something that's worrying you this much, it's something I think I should try to help with.

Otherwise... I don't know. People at school are talking about the city becoming more and more dangerous. I don't follow the same sort of things some of them do, but they say people have been hurt. I don't want you to get hurt, too.

[Takatora was rarely aware of how much emotion he let slip through without meaning to, especially around his younger brother. Being addressed by his first name rather than 'nii-san' caused a visible frown on his face, but that was just the beginning of a large number of Mitsuzane's words pulling at him.

Was it right to tell him, like this? To have him grow up so suddenly? It felt wrong to do so when Mitsuzane was being so passionate, that telling him now when he was like this might make him last out more.]

I'll allow you to ask me one question now. Tonight... I'll tell you anything else you want to know.

[Oh god, he hated himself for this.]

Does that sound fair?

... Yes.

[Bingo. Right where he wanted him. He bowed his head as he sat down carefully, thinking it over. A single question. What would get him the most information? What would lead to the most information? And what was the question that would sound the most logical right now, given what he was and wasn't supposed to know?]

Please tell me, nii-san. Please tell me how you got that injury.

[When Mitsuzane walked away, Takatora followed close behind. He walked up behind the other after he sat down, (very) carefully resting his hands on his brother's shoulders and doing his best to offer a comforting squeeze before he went to sit back down. As soon as they were done exchanging words over the question, Takatora would make a note of everything he already knew they needed to talk about, to make sure nothing was left out.

Once Takatora was seated, he leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other, staring at Mitsuzane as he spoke.]

Ryouma... and I have been working on a project for a very long time. I offered myself for an experiment because I wanted to shoulder the effects myself. ... it was simply a miscalculation, a mechanical malfunction. I don't hold Ryouma responsible, even though I'm sure he still blames himself.

[He sighed heavily.]

I was in the hospital for weeks. I told you I was out of town, but I never gave you a reason. I didn't believe at the time you would understand or be able to handle such news. My recovery took months. It's far from perfect now, but it's condition has vastly improved. Sometimes, unfortunately, it still tends to act up. I feel like an old man some days.

[Ryouma blaming himself? Doubtful. From what he knew of the man, he likely blamed Takatora more than himself. But ah. That cleared up a few things.]

I... I see. I won't ask you about this project now, since you did tell me you would only answer a single question, and I know you're busy anyway. But I do... want to know if there's anything I can do to help it? If you had told me before I could at least help pick things up for you. Not that you shouldn't exercise it, but there's no reason to strain yourself.

[It also gave him a good theory on how to fight if the worst happened. Not that he himself was the best fighter... but then again, that was all the more reason to keep such an advantage in his pocket if things turned messy.]

[Those words made Takatora self-conscious again, as he lowered his gaze to the surface of his desk. His stomach twisted uncomfortably, his mind trying to fight down any guilt he felt at leaving Mitsuzane in the dark for so long and how caring his brother was now. Perhaps it really had been a mistake to leave him out of the loop, but his desire for Mitsuzane to be normal as long as possible had overridden a lot of his good judgment.]

It's not so bad that I need you to do those things for me. As your older brother... it's my responsibility to be strong and protect you. I would never want you to view me as weak...

[He cleared his throat, sitting up to start sorting the paperwork on his desk.]

I apologize. I know I can be rather selfish sometimes.

... I don't think you're weak. Even now that I know - I'm just glad it wasn't anything worse.

[He picked up his textbook again, but didn't open it. Not yet. He still had a few more lines to deliver before he went back to studying.]

You can't do all of this on your own. I just want to help you, like I said. I'm your brother. If you can't trust me to help...

[Well, then who could he? He didn't say it, but the unsaid words still hung in the air.]

It isn't that I don't trust you, Mitsuzane...

[Unfortunately, Takatora trusted Mitsuzane far more that he knew was healthy or that he wanted to let on, but he was fairly sure his younger brother already knew that with how easy he was to manipulate.]

I simply don't want to burden you. However... [He pressed his lips together for a moment, then reached across the table to lightly grasp Mitsuzane's hand, looking up at him.] Thank you. It means more than you know to hear you say these things.

[He curled his hand around his brother's, looking up and smiling.]

Whatever you're shouldering, we can shoulder it together. It's been just the two of us for a long time. I'm not so young anymore. You can count on me now.

As long as you are sure.

[Takatora reached out with his other hand, clasping Mitsuzane's in both of his and squeezing tightly. It pulled a bit on his shoulder, but the pain was minor compared to the message he wanted to convey. He managed a weak, warm smile, with a look on his face for a moment that he might actually start to cry.]

I'm sorry, Mitsuzane... I don't deserve a little brother as kind as you.

[Nope. Nope nope nope. Abandon ship. He had no clue how to deal with a crying Takatora. He just laughed a little bit, trying to ease his spirits slightly. Even though he did want information... well. Takatora was still his brother.]

There's no need to look so upset. You're the one who taught me almost everything I know, nii-san.

You're right. Forgive me.

[Takatora hated the idea of being emotional in front of his brother, if only because being weak in front of the other seemed so unsatisfactory. If he was supposed to be strong, then breaking down in front of him wouldn't do any good. Unfortunately, it was always hard to fight that sort of feeling when he received such kindness.

Takatora gave Mitsuzane's hands a final squeeze before he pulled his hands back, resuming his organizing of paperwork. Beating himself up in front of Mitsuzane wouldn't look good either.]

Are you feeling a little better? ... health wise and about this, I mean.

... Yes. I think I just needed to rest a bit.

[His bruises still would take a little time to heal, but those were minor when compared to the idea of not protecting Gaim. Fortunately, Mai had let him know that today was looking quiet. At least that was a little good news.]

And... well. We can talk more when we get home. I think we both have work to do now, right?

You sound better. And look much better. Did you bring something to drink?

[Takatora focuses on his paperwork as much as the conversation at hand, trying to remember where he had been before talking to both Ryouma and Mitsuzane had upset the rhythm he'd had going. He carefully moves his completed work to the side, trying to sort through what he has left. Unfortunately, the results aren't good, as usual. There will be plenty more to catch up on tomorrow.]

You're still welcome to ask me if you get stuck.

[It really made his heart twist that Mitsuzane was being so forward, wanting to spend so much time with him and making it convenient for Takatora. It certainly made him want to return to the favor.]

... is there anything you might want for dinner?

I brought some juice with me.

[Not orange juice, though. ... He had considered it, but the idea just feels weird to him now. That fruit just falling onto Kouta's head... the image won't leave him as long as he thinks of the juice, so it had to be something else.]

And... I don't know. Just something simple. I don't think we really need to do anything elaborate tonight. I still have a math test to study for once I'm done with biology, after all.

[Even though Takatora had noticed Mitsuzane's grades slipping over the last few weeks and knew exactly why it was happening, he couldn't blame the other and felt it wasn't right to bring that sort of situation up now, especially since Mitsuzane seemed to be trying so hard to keep up. Takatora knew how difficult it was to balance all of his work and ... well, he'd certainly been rather hard on his brother.]

Think about what you want. I'll order it for you. A good meal will help your health.

[Aside from that, Takatora had yet to eat since leaving the house, which drew his attention to the box on the corner of the desk. Perhaps after a bit more paperwork...]