heavenlydecree | (no subject)

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[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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[When Mitsuzane walked away, Takatora followed close behind. He walked up behind the other after he sat down, (very) carefully resting his hands on his brother's shoulders and doing his best to offer a comforting squeeze before he went to sit back down. As soon as they were done exchanging words over the question, Takatora would make a note of everything he already knew they needed to talk about, to make sure nothing was left out.

Once Takatora was seated, he leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other, staring at Mitsuzane as he spoke.]

Ryouma... and I have been working on a project for a very long time. I offered myself for an experiment because I wanted to shoulder the effects myself. ... it was simply a miscalculation, a mechanical malfunction. I don't hold Ryouma responsible, even though I'm sure he still blames himself.

[He sighed heavily.]

I was in the hospital for weeks. I told you I was out of town, but I never gave you a reason. I didn't believe at the time you would understand or be able to handle such news. My recovery took months. It's far from perfect now, but it's condition has vastly improved. Sometimes, unfortunately, it still tends to act up. I feel like an old man some days.

[Ryouma blaming himself? Doubtful. From what he knew of the man, he likely blamed Takatora more than himself. But ah. That cleared up a few things.]

I... I see. I won't ask you about this project now, since you did tell me you would only answer a single question, and I know you're busy anyway. But I do... want to know if there's anything I can do to help it? If you had told me before I could at least help pick things up for you. Not that you shouldn't exercise it, but there's no reason to strain yourself.

[It also gave him a good theory on how to fight if the worst happened. Not that he himself was the best fighter... but then again, that was all the more reason to keep such an advantage in his pocket if things turned messy.]

[Those words made Takatora self-conscious again, as he lowered his gaze to the surface of his desk. His stomach twisted uncomfortably, his mind trying to fight down any guilt he felt at leaving Mitsuzane in the dark for so long and how caring his brother was now. Perhaps it really had been a mistake to leave him out of the loop, but his desire for Mitsuzane to be normal as long as possible had overridden a lot of his good judgment.]

It's not so bad that I need you to do those things for me. As your older brother... it's my responsibility to be strong and protect you. I would never want you to view me as weak...

[He cleared his throat, sitting up to start sorting the paperwork on his desk.]

I apologize. I know I can be rather selfish sometimes.

... I don't think you're weak. Even now that I know - I'm just glad it wasn't anything worse.

[He picked up his textbook again, but didn't open it. Not yet. He still had a few more lines to deliver before he went back to studying.]

You can't do all of this on your own. I just want to help you, like I said. I'm your brother. If you can't trust me to help...

[Well, then who could he? He didn't say it, but the unsaid words still hung in the air.]

It isn't that I don't trust you, Mitsuzane...

[Unfortunately, Takatora trusted Mitsuzane far more that he knew was healthy or that he wanted to let on, but he was fairly sure his younger brother already knew that with how easy he was to manipulate.]

I simply don't want to burden you. However... [He pressed his lips together for a moment, then reached across the table to lightly grasp Mitsuzane's hand, looking up at him.] Thank you. It means more than you know to hear you say these things.

[He curled his hand around his brother's, looking up and smiling.]

Whatever you're shouldering, we can shoulder it together. It's been just the two of us for a long time. I'm not so young anymore. You can count on me now.

As long as you are sure.

[Takatora reached out with his other hand, clasping Mitsuzane's in both of his and squeezing tightly. It pulled a bit on his shoulder, but the pain was minor compared to the message he wanted to convey. He managed a weak, warm smile, with a look on his face for a moment that he might actually start to cry.]

I'm sorry, Mitsuzane... I don't deserve a little brother as kind as you.

[Nope. Nope nope nope. Abandon ship. He had no clue how to deal with a crying Takatora. He just laughed a little bit, trying to ease his spirits slightly. Even though he did want information... well. Takatora was still his brother.]

There's no need to look so upset. You're the one who taught me almost everything I know, nii-san.

You're right. Forgive me.

[Takatora hated the idea of being emotional in front of his brother, if only because being weak in front of the other seemed so unsatisfactory. If he was supposed to be strong, then breaking down in front of him wouldn't do any good. Unfortunately, it was always hard to fight that sort of feeling when he received such kindness.

Takatora gave Mitsuzane's hands a final squeeze before he pulled his hands back, resuming his organizing of paperwork. Beating himself up in front of Mitsuzane wouldn't look good either.]

Are you feeling a little better? ... health wise and about this, I mean.

... Yes. I think I just needed to rest a bit.

[His bruises still would take a little time to heal, but those were minor when compared to the idea of not protecting Gaim. Fortunately, Mai had let him know that today was looking quiet. At least that was a little good news.]

And... well. We can talk more when we get home. I think we both have work to do now, right?

You sound better. And look much better. Did you bring something to drink?

[Takatora focuses on his paperwork as much as the conversation at hand, trying to remember where he had been before talking to both Ryouma and Mitsuzane had upset the rhythm he'd had going. He carefully moves his completed work to the side, trying to sort through what he has left. Unfortunately, the results aren't good, as usual. There will be plenty more to catch up on tomorrow.]

You're still welcome to ask me if you get stuck.

[It really made his heart twist that Mitsuzane was being so forward, wanting to spend so much time with him and making it convenient for Takatora. It certainly made him want to return to the favor.]

... is there anything you might want for dinner?

I brought some juice with me.

[Not orange juice, though. ... He had considered it, but the idea just feels weird to him now. That fruit just falling onto Kouta's head... the image won't leave him as long as he thinks of the juice, so it had to be something else.]

And... I don't know. Just something simple. I don't think we really need to do anything elaborate tonight. I still have a math test to study for once I'm done with biology, after all.

[Even though Takatora had noticed Mitsuzane's grades slipping over the last few weeks and knew exactly why it was happening, he couldn't blame the other and felt it wasn't right to bring that sort of situation up now, especially since Mitsuzane seemed to be trying so hard to keep up. Takatora knew how difficult it was to balance all of his work and ... well, he'd certainly been rather hard on his brother.]

Think about what you want. I'll order it for you. A good meal will help your health.

[Aside from that, Takatora had yet to eat since leaving the house, which drew his attention to the box on the corner of the desk. Perhaps after a bit more paperwork...]

All right. I'll let you know.

[Even with everything, he still has to keep up with school. ... He tries to suppress a flash of jealousy of the others. They didn't have classes to worry about, just dance. Even once he finished high school he wouldn't escape classes. He's going to university - there's no question about it. He's not going to have time to dance forever.]

... As long as you eat something, too.

I will. I promise. We can eat together in your room and you can ask me anything you want.

[That should have been surprising enough, considering how strict their father had always been about eating anywhere in the house other than at the dining room table, though both sons had broken that from time to time. Takatora occasionally (though rarely) ate in his home office or in his room, while any time Mitsuzane was sick, Takatora always had the food taken to his room. To suggest eating their meals in such a small, awkward place?

Well, it was one of the only rooms in the house without cameras and while Takatora was sure Ryouma would figure out what was said at some point, he didn't want anyone listening.]

[His eyes widen slightly, but he nods. He'd noticed cameras in a few of the rooms, but none in his. He wasn't sure who was watching, or why, but he's always been glad there's none in his room. Whatever Takatora has to tell him must be sensitive information to not want to eat in the dining room.]

Understood. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to make myself useful while I'm here, nii-san.

Get as much work done as you can before we leave. I don't want you working on anything else tonight. Depending on how you feel, we'll see if you need to go to school tomorrow, but I would prefer if you didn't.

[Now he was slipping back into commanding older brother mode. It was a concern not only for the state of Mitsuzane's health in general and wanting to make sure his cold didn't knock him off his feet with the stress of school, but also because he was far too worried about what Mitsuzane's reaction would be to any of the information he'd gain that night.]

[There it is. He was wondering how long it would take for Takatora to go back to this. He'd disarmed him for a good long time. Interesting information to file away in his brain.]

[He hesitates a moment, before nodding. Slightly submissive, right. He can play this role just fine. It's not one he likes, but he doesn't have to lay it on too thick, thankfully.]

Yes, nii-san. I'll make sure I'm done before then.

[The temptation to run his hand down the side of Mitsuzane's face is strong, but Takatora's a bit too far away and the touch is a bit too personal for him to dare to do such a thing. He clears his throat, not feeling there's anything more to say on the subject for now, and returns to going over his paperwork. There's financial work to glance over in passing, paperwork to sign, new projects starting that need his approval, far too many things to go over. For nearly an hour, Takatora sits leaning back in his chair reading a single report, flipping through the pages and going over all of the details for one of Ryouma's new pet projects.

Honestly, it wasn't as though he enjoyed any of this. It was simply required of him.]

[Mitsuzane does get back to work, trying to focus on reading about cellular structure and cloning. It's interesting, but not enough to keep his mind totally occupied, and it takes some actual effort to make himself focus. After all, he has to start making decisions about where he's going to go in life. He can't stay with the Beat Riders forever. As fun as it is, he has a family reputation to uphold.]

[Still, he'd prefer to get back to his math notes rather than biology. Math is simply more straightforward and easier to keep filed away.]

[After a bit more reading on the project, Takatora sets the paperwork down and rubs at his eyes, sighing heavily at realizing how much further he needs to go. He reaches over to grab his coffee, bringing the mug to his lips only to realize the liquid is completely ice cold. ... how long had it been since he'd touched it? He couldn't even remember, now.

Takatora reluctantly pushes his chair back and stands, going to get water instead. It would be a waste to drink coffee again with how late it's gotten, coupled with making coffee would be even more of a waste. It's an unfortunate bad habit he's gained over the years, neglecting himself so much.

When Takatora returns to his desk, he stands by Mitsuzane's side and carefully holds out a cup of water to the other.]

How is your progress?

[He barely notices when Takatora gets up, but he definitely notices when he stand next to him. He pauses in his reading, looking up and smiling faintly.]

I'm doing all right. Not as fast as I could be, but fast enough that I should be done with my review soon. Then I have math to review.

[He reaches up and carefully takes the cup, fingers brushing against his brother's. ... Hm. Interesting.]

[At the touch, Takatora's fingers twitch, though he manages to keep himself mildly calm until Mitsuzane's hand is withdrawn, at which point he immediately (almost too quickly) pulls his hand back and returns it to his side.]

I miss the days of doing work like that...

[It was, again, a bit too revealing perhaps, but his tone was sincere. While he had been in school, at least at Mitsuzane's age, he had been too young for their father to push the full weight of what was to come at him. He had known the truth, however, before leaving high school, and had carried the weight with him for the rest of his life. The shock at growing up so suddenly was something Takatora wanted to avoid with his brother, but it didn't seem he could dodge so easily anymore.]

[... As he thought. He shakes his head a little bit, glancing down at the page again.]

I suppose it's easier than what you deal with, but the endless repetition and memorization is... mm. I wish there was more practical application for where I'm planning on going. I can see where it would be useful, but I don't plan on becoming a biologist.

[Business school has been his target for a long time, though the idea still makes his heart sink a bit. It's not that he doesn't think he can handle it, but he would be so much happier at a performing arts school. Even so, family duty trumps his desires, much as he hates it.]

I think you're missing the point of the situation you're in.

[Takatora steps away from Mitsuzane now, walking around to take a seat once more. He pauses long enough to sip his water, then places it next to his coffee cup.]

When you're learning a subject that doesn't interest you or that doesn't carry forward, it's best to view it as an exercise in sharpening your... as you said, memorization. Or studying habits. It's not enjoyable to learn things you have no interest in, but it's a learned art in pleasing others and doing what's required of you.

Regardless, it's only necessary until you go to university. Things are a bit more enjoyable once you have more options.