heavenlydecree | (no subject)

(no subject)

[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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[That... sort of attitude he hadn't been expecting. Did Mitsuzane know that he knew about everything and was trying to make up for it? His stomach twisted uncomfortably at the other's actions, already feeling that familiar stir of affection he could never quite shake. ... so much for standing strong.]

Good evening, Mitsuzane...

[Takatora can't even find the words to answer that question. He's not sure Mitsuzane would want to hear the answer anyway.]

[... Hm. He just keeps his smile on his face, tempered by a little curiosity.]

Do you want to eat first, or do you want to take a shower or something first?

Eating first is fine. I have some things to take care of later.

[That was nice and casual, wasn't it? Hopefully not too awkward sounding. It was best to get this over with as soon as possible. As he walks into the kitchen, Takatora sets his things aside on a chair near the doorway. He's also visibly keeping quite a bit of space between them, if only for the fact that Mitsuzane's smile makes it impossibly difficult to resist him.]

[He's set the table too, and there's a bowl of curry in between.]

You've got good timing. I just finished.

[He waits for Takatora to sit down before sitting down himself, brushing his hair back from his face.]

How was your day?

[That was a much heavier question than it should have been. Takatora waits to answer, stepping over to the table and taking a seat. Despite being in a somewhat better mood from seeing Mitsuzane's state, his outward appearance is still serious and dark.]

As well as I expected.

I see. I imagine you had a lot of work to catch up on.

[He gestures to the curry, waiting for his brother to serve himself. It's only polite, after all.]

School was fine. Boring, really. But I suppose that's better than difficult.

I'll have even more to catch up on after this weekend.

[Takatora does as Mitsuzane insists, though he not only serves himself, but also his brother. This whole situation is still... surreal...]

I suppose school is usually boring for you.

... It is, but it's not bad. I understand why I have to do it, it just feels a little bit of a waste of time.

[Especially with everything going on... it just doesn't seem important.]

[There was the way he expected the conversation to go.]

It would look suspicious to pull you out at a time like this.

I understand. It's not that long until a school break anyway...

[Takatora pokes at his food, trying to will himself to eat, but the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach won't go away.]

Mitsuzane... To be honest with me, what do you want to do?

[... He lets out a long breath. Honesty? He's not sure if he can provide total honesty, but he'll try.]

I want to help you. I want to fight alongside you, and help protect you. You know I'm strong, you know I can fight. I don't want to wait on the sidelines and worry if you're going to come home every night.

At the same time, you wish to help and protect your friends, the people important to you. ... how do you intend on achieving both of these things? You can't be in two places at once.

[Is that meaning deeper than he gives it credit for? Maybe.]

It's the same, really. If I help protect you and the city from Inves, I'm protecting them too. We're trying to find a solution. Helping to find that solution can only make them safer.

Don't you worry about not being able to spend enough time with them? ... considering your relationship.

[Well, no point in hiding it, at least.]

... Oh. You heard about that.

[He kind of... figured.]

I mean... I worry about it, but I can't have a relationship if they're not safe.

There was no sense in hiding it from you. ... and it was never my intention to keep track of you and what you do. I don't know the details and I don't care to know.

[Yep, still uncomfortable.]

I'll take that into consideration. I've been thinking about how to go about this, but I'm not really sure anymore.

I know. It's not like you pry, and I'm grateful for that. I'm... also aware of how you feel about me.

[He takes a deep breath. This is it. How should he respond?]

I don't hate you which is... what you're most worried about, I'm guessing. I just... don't know my own feelings on anything involving that sort of... thing.

[So much for appearing calm and collected, because the moment Mitsuzane admits knowing what he does, Takatora leans back in his seat and brings one hand up to cover his mouth. All of the color drains out of his face as he stares down at the table, doing his best to fight down the sick nervousness pulling at him. ... partially, because he knows there's no use in denying it.]

You hating me was never a concern. ... not the primary one.

[He'd never expected to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about this.]

Please do your best not to focus on it. It was never my intention for you to find out.

I just wanted you to know that. I don't want you to hate yourself for it, either.

[He's tempted to look down at his food, but he can't appear ashamed. He doesn't want to. He does his best to remain calm and collected, even smiling a little.]

That sort of thing can't be helped, Mitsuzane...

Why? I don't want you to get hurt, even from yourself.

[... how does he even handle this situation? Takatora lowers his hands to the table, gripping the edge to keep his hands from shaking.]

My inclinations towards you are unforgivable. I'm willing to live with that.

They're not, though. We spend a lot of time together. We got attached to each other. It's not bad or wrong. Unusual, yes, but it's not... it's not like I hate you for it.

[He pushes back in his chair and stands, walking around the table carefully. Is he considering this? He reaches out to Takatora to press a hand to his cheek.]

You're still my brother. ... ten years younger. Regardless of whether I take action or not, I'm in a position of power and taking advantage of you.

[The touch to his face catches him off guard. Takatora tilts his head back, looking up at Mitsuzane, before he moves his hand up to nudge the other's hand away.]

You don't know what you're talking about.