heavenlydecree | (no subject)

(no subject)

[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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... It is, but it's not bad. I understand why I have to do it, it just feels a little bit of a waste of time.

[Especially with everything going on... it just doesn't seem important.]

[There was the way he expected the conversation to go.]

It would look suspicious to pull you out at a time like this.

I understand. It's not that long until a school break anyway...

[Takatora pokes at his food, trying to will himself to eat, but the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach won't go away.]

Mitsuzane... To be honest with me, what do you want to do?

[... He lets out a long breath. Honesty? He's not sure if he can provide total honesty, but he'll try.]

I want to help you. I want to fight alongside you, and help protect you. You know I'm strong, you know I can fight. I don't want to wait on the sidelines and worry if you're going to come home every night.

At the same time, you wish to help and protect your friends, the people important to you. ... how do you intend on achieving both of these things? You can't be in two places at once.

[Is that meaning deeper than he gives it credit for? Maybe.]

It's the same, really. If I help protect you and the city from Inves, I'm protecting them too. We're trying to find a solution. Helping to find that solution can only make them safer.

Don't you worry about not being able to spend enough time with them? ... considering your relationship.

[Well, no point in hiding it, at least.]

... Oh. You heard about that.

[He kind of... figured.]

I mean... I worry about it, but I can't have a relationship if they're not safe.

There was no sense in hiding it from you. ... and it was never my intention to keep track of you and what you do. I don't know the details and I don't care to know.

[Yep, still uncomfortable.]

I'll take that into consideration. I've been thinking about how to go about this, but I'm not really sure anymore.

I know. It's not like you pry, and I'm grateful for that. I'm... also aware of how you feel about me.

[He takes a deep breath. This is it. How should he respond?]

I don't hate you which is... what you're most worried about, I'm guessing. I just... don't know my own feelings on anything involving that sort of... thing.

[So much for appearing calm and collected, because the moment Mitsuzane admits knowing what he does, Takatora leans back in his seat and brings one hand up to cover his mouth. All of the color drains out of his face as he stares down at the table, doing his best to fight down the sick nervousness pulling at him. ... partially, because he knows there's no use in denying it.]

You hating me was never a concern. ... not the primary one.

[He'd never expected to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about this.]

Please do your best not to focus on it. It was never my intention for you to find out.

I just wanted you to know that. I don't want you to hate yourself for it, either.

[He's tempted to look down at his food, but he can't appear ashamed. He doesn't want to. He does his best to remain calm and collected, even smiling a little.]

That sort of thing can't be helped, Mitsuzane...

Why? I don't want you to get hurt, even from yourself.

[... how does he even handle this situation? Takatora lowers his hands to the table, gripping the edge to keep his hands from shaking.]

My inclinations towards you are unforgivable. I'm willing to live with that.

They're not, though. We spend a lot of time together. We got attached to each other. It's not bad or wrong. Unusual, yes, but it's not... it's not like I hate you for it.

[He pushes back in his chair and stands, walking around the table carefully. Is he considering this? He reaches out to Takatora to press a hand to his cheek.]

You're still my brother. ... ten years younger. Regardless of whether I take action or not, I'm in a position of power and taking advantage of you.

[The touch to his face catches him off guard. Takatora tilts his head back, looking up at Mitsuzane, before he moves his hand up to nudge the other's hand away.]

You don't know what you're talking about.

[He lowers his hand, taking a deep breath.]

No, I don't. That's why I'm trying to figure it out. But you wouldn't be taking advantage of me. I may not legally be an adult, but I'm one in many of the ways that matter. I just... want to make you happy. I want to...

[He lowers himself to his knees and bows his head, shaking a little.]

... I want to take away your worry and your pain. Please. Let me help you. Let me make you happy, Takatora.

[... oh, no. Takatora can feel his protective older brother instincts kicking in. As soon as Mitsuzane is kneeling in front of him, Takatora's cool facade drops completely as he reaches out to nudge his brother's head up.]

Mitsuzane, I can't let you do that to yourself.

I want to. Please, Takatora. Let me help you...

[He looks up and tries to meat his brother's gaze, tries to remain strong. He doesn't want Takatora to be hurting. That's all he can think about right now.]

... what exactly do you intend to do, to help me?

... I don't know. I just...

[He's still somewhat at a loss with this. He stumbles to his feet and reaches out to put his hand on Takatora's shoulder.]

Takatora...

[At Mitsuzane's stumbling, Takatora reaches out to put his hands on the other's waist, careful to steady him.]

Does it make it easier for you, calling me that?

... I don't know.

[He leans in to press his forehead against his brother's.]

I love you, nii-san. I love you so much and I don't... want you to hurt anymore.

[He shifts and presses a gentle kiss to Takatora's lipsslowly and carefully.]