heavenlydecree | (no subject)

(no subject)

[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Oh. You heard about that.

[He kind of... figured.]

I mean... I worry about it, but I can't have a relationship if they're not safe.

There was no sense in hiding it from you. ... and it was never my intention to keep track of you and what you do. I don't know the details and I don't care to know.

[Yep, still uncomfortable.]

I'll take that into consideration. I've been thinking about how to go about this, but I'm not really sure anymore.

I know. It's not like you pry, and I'm grateful for that. I'm... also aware of how you feel about me.

[He takes a deep breath. This is it. How should he respond?]

I don't hate you which is... what you're most worried about, I'm guessing. I just... don't know my own feelings on anything involving that sort of... thing.

[So much for appearing calm and collected, because the moment Mitsuzane admits knowing what he does, Takatora leans back in his seat and brings one hand up to cover his mouth. All of the color drains out of his face as he stares down at the table, doing his best to fight down the sick nervousness pulling at him. ... partially, because he knows there's no use in denying it.]

You hating me was never a concern. ... not the primary one.

[He'd never expected to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about this.]

Please do your best not to focus on it. It was never my intention for you to find out.

I just wanted you to know that. I don't want you to hate yourself for it, either.

[He's tempted to look down at his food, but he can't appear ashamed. He doesn't want to. He does his best to remain calm and collected, even smiling a little.]

That sort of thing can't be helped, Mitsuzane...

Why? I don't want you to get hurt, even from yourself.

[... how does he even handle this situation? Takatora lowers his hands to the table, gripping the edge to keep his hands from shaking.]

My inclinations towards you are unforgivable. I'm willing to live with that.

They're not, though. We spend a lot of time together. We got attached to each other. It's not bad or wrong. Unusual, yes, but it's not... it's not like I hate you for it.

[He pushes back in his chair and stands, walking around the table carefully. Is he considering this? He reaches out to Takatora to press a hand to his cheek.]

You're still my brother. ... ten years younger. Regardless of whether I take action or not, I'm in a position of power and taking advantage of you.

[The touch to his face catches him off guard. Takatora tilts his head back, looking up at Mitsuzane, before he moves his hand up to nudge the other's hand away.]

You don't know what you're talking about.

[He lowers his hand, taking a deep breath.]

No, I don't. That's why I'm trying to figure it out. But you wouldn't be taking advantage of me. I may not legally be an adult, but I'm one in many of the ways that matter. I just... want to make you happy. I want to...

[He lowers himself to his knees and bows his head, shaking a little.]

... I want to take away your worry and your pain. Please. Let me help you. Let me make you happy, Takatora.

[... oh, no. Takatora can feel his protective older brother instincts kicking in. As soon as Mitsuzane is kneeling in front of him, Takatora's cool facade drops completely as he reaches out to nudge his brother's head up.]

Mitsuzane, I can't let you do that to yourself.

I want to. Please, Takatora. Let me help you...

[He looks up and tries to meat his brother's gaze, tries to remain strong. He doesn't want Takatora to be hurting. That's all he can think about right now.]

... what exactly do you intend to do, to help me?

... I don't know. I just...

[He's still somewhat at a loss with this. He stumbles to his feet and reaches out to put his hand on Takatora's shoulder.]

Takatora...

[At Mitsuzane's stumbling, Takatora reaches out to put his hands on the other's waist, careful to steady him.]

Does it make it easier for you, calling me that?

... I don't know.

[He leans in to press his forehead against his brother's.]

I love you, nii-san. I love you so much and I don't... want you to hurt anymore.

[He shifts and presses a gentle kiss to Takatora's lipsslowly and carefully.]

[... Takatora certainly hadn't expected that at all. The moment Mitsuzane leans in, Takatora immediately begins to move back, though a part of himself refuses to move much further than that. He doesn't try to return the kiss or allow himself to enjoy it, though he keeps his hands carefully on Mitsuzane's waist for the duration. After a few moments, he can't help but pull back, turning his head away.]

[He lowers his gaze. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. He doesn't want to force Takatora, but he does want to help him. He puts a hand on Takatora's arm and tugs him forward a bit.]

Nii-san?

... do you forgive me, Mitsuzane?

[When he's tugged, Takatora looks back up, but doesn't move otherwise.]

Of course I do.

[He smiles gently at Takatora, trying to be encouraging.]

Is my happiness all you want from me?

Of course. I just want you to be safe and happy. For you to be able to smile and laugh. I'd do anything to keep you happy.

You're turning into me.

[He doesn't sound all that amused.]

Isn't that enough to teach you that sort of behavior never works?

Is it so wrong, though? To want to protect the people I care about? To have them happy and safe?