heavenlydecree | the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

[Takatora had, as usual, buried himself in work all day. He'd even stayed out far later than usual due to a few back-to-back business meetings, though he'd been kind enough to spare a few moments to let Mitsuzane know. He didn't want his younger brother to worry about where he was or why he wasn't home on time. Unfortunately, he was a bit vague with saying "probably around midnight". It had been one of those nights, meetings followed by outings and social drinking. Takatora had honestly never cared for it, but it was something he did because it made business partners happy. People talked a lot more when they had alcohol in their system as well, but Takatora had been careful to be polite in his acceptance of drinks while still going slow enough to maintain his composure. There was always the sinking concern that someone would manipulate information out of him while he was vulnerable. He couldn't allow that to happen.

By the time he returns home, it's closer to twelve-thirty. His clothing and everything about him smells of smoke and alcohol. It makes him a bit self-conscious, knowing it's completely out of character for him. He'd even, on one of his rare instances, accepted a cigarette from a colleague. It was a strange and nostalgic happening, but Takatora had thoroughly washed his mouth out afterwards. Still, the smell of smoke from that and the bar itself clung to him.

Takatora rubs at the back of his neck as he walks through the home, anxious to change out of his clothes. However, in passing Mitsuzane's door, he hesitates and then doubles back. It would be best to check on him in case he'd waited up. So he knocks, careful and light.]

Mitsuzane?

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[The shaking makes his heart sink. Reaching out, Takatora pushes the door closed and then pulls Mitsuzane in against his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around him. It's... ... when was the last time he'd held his younger brother like this? It felt like years, despite how overly affectionate Takatora had been when they were younger. Still, Takatora's comforting instincts slide right back into place as they would when the pair were ten years younger. He carefully brushes his fingers through Mitsuzane's hair, keeping his voice soft.]

It's all right. I'm not mad at you.

[The gentle touch just makes his heart hurt. Why is he acting like this? He should be furious at him, for what he did. Despite the smell, he presses his face against Takatora's shoulder. Nothing makes sense right now. HIs words are muffled as he speaks them.]

I didn't mean to hurt you...

[Takatora doesn't say anything else for the moment, tilting his head down and resting his chin on Mitsuzane's head. He continues gently stroking his brother's hair, the uncomfortable sinking feeling still in his stomach. His leg and cheekbone still ache, he's sure that he'll have bruises in the morning.]

[The silence hurts. It makes him feel horribly uncomfortable. His stomach squirms, and he shifts uneasily in Takatora's grasp. He doesn't want to move away for fear of saying or doing something that would make the situation worse.]

... Let's get you in... in bed. Or something. I think we should both sleep.

You can do what you'd like. I'm going to take a shower.

[Takatora sounds rather defeated when he speaks, being the first to pull away from the embrace. He brings one hand up to lightly brush his fingers over Mitsuzane's chin, before he steps away and continues undressing. He continues unbuttoning his shirt, starting to slide it off, before he changes his mind and works with his belt instead. He doesn't want questions about his scar right now.]

[He turns away, and goes to find Takatora some clothes. Once he pulls them out he leaves them on his bed and retreats from the room. He walks towards his room, before just stopping and leaning against the wall. What is he doing? What has he done?]

[It's only once Mitsuzane leaves the room that Takatora removes the rest of his clothing. He tosses it, jacket and all, into the hamper in the bathroom, wondering if he'll ever get the smell of smoke off of him. His shower takes... considerably longer than usual, mostly due to Takatora taking advantage of the quiet time to reflect on what had happened.

By the time he's out and changed into nightclothes, it's an hour later. He's had some water to drink and his hair is still wet when he stops in front of Mitsuzane's door again. He knocks, quieter than the last time, on the off-chance that he's already in bed. Takatora doubts it. It's possible he's not even there at all.]

[There's no verbal response, not at first, just a quiet sob and then a sniffle. There's a pause, and then Micchy calls out in a hoarse voice.]

Come in.

[He's changed into his nightclothes, and curled up on his bed clutching a pillow. He needs to pull himself together, but he can't help it. His hair is mussed and his cheeks are wet, and he doesn't look up at Takatora.]

[Oh, no. He certainly recognizes that noise. Takatora nudges the door open, quietly shutting and locking it behind himself. It's not as though anyone else would be in the home so late, but... he didn't want to chance anything. He slowly makes his way across the room, taking a seat on the edge of Mitsuzane's bed. He hates seeing his brother like this. The spot on his cheekbone is flushed red against the pale of his skin, accentuated by the shower, but it won't start to bruise for awhile longer.

Takatora leans over, only moving his hand into Mitsuzane's space.]

Mitsuzane... I'm sorry...

[He freezes like a cornered animal, and tries to compose himself. It's a few long moments before he can speak again, and even then only after he's cleared his throat.]

It's not your fault. I shouldn't have grabbed you or hit you. ... Or pushed you.

[It's his fault. He's the one who caused this. Even if Takatora grabbed him first, he should have just submitted to it. But... no. He doesn't want to submit... but he doesn't want to hurt his brother. Just... why can't he do what he wishes?]

[The tensing of Mitsuzane's body makes Takatora withdraw immediately. He's not sure if it's Mitsuzane's own emotions making him skittish or if it's a fear of Takatora, but he'd rather err on the side of caution.]

What do you want right now?

... I don't know.

[Forgiveness, for one, but he's not sure if he can accept it right now. He wants to have a chance to be his own person. To pursue his own path. To do what he wants to do, what he needs to do, rather than what he's expected to do.]

You... I don't know. I just... I'm tired of being told what to do. You always...

[Is he really going to go there? But it's not like he can do much more damage.]

... You always seem to think you know what's best for me. And sometimes you do. But sometimes you don't. I know there's things I'm expected to do, but... why can't I have interests other than those things?

[Takatora listens, giving Mitsuzane his full attention. After he's done talking, Takatora waits for a few more moments, the sick feeling in his stomach coming back again. He can't tell the truth, not everything, and he can't be too personal, but...]

Is it all right if I lie down with you?

... That's fine.

[He doesn't really want to be that close to Takatora right now, but if he refuses he'll just hurt him more.]

[Even though he receives an affirmative answer, Takatora doesn't bother to move.]

Do you understand that I'm only trying to protect you?

From what? What are you protecting me from by forcing me into subjects that I hate? I know how to study. My grades are fine.

[He bites his tongue after that outburst. Better to limit what he's saying at the moment.]

[At this point, words are coming a bit easier than Takatora would like, partially from the alcohol from earlier and partially from his frustration at Mitsuzane's anger. He didn't understand.]

There are things I can't tell you, but you have to trust me.

Why? Why can't you tell me?

[Is it the forest? That's not what he means in this case. He can protect himself just fine from that stuff, though Takatora doesn't know that.]

Why can't I pick what I want to do?

[Maybe it makes him sound childish, but he wants to know.]

There are certain things Father wants from you. It's not up to me. I want you to succeed, of course. I want you to be the best, because I know you're capable of it. I want you to be proud of yourself.

[Takatora moves back on the bed a bit, pressing his back against the wall. He, however, continues to keep his distance from Mitsuzane.]

We are born forced into our roles. Nothing else is acceptable. Our lives are already planned. If we're to deviate from that path, we can't help anyone.

Why not? You can't think of any way to help anyone other than what we've been forced to do? It's not like you can't do multiple things. It's like like doing something other than business prevents you from... I don't know, donating to a charity or helping the less fortunate.

[He sits up a bit, rubbing his face. It's not like Takatora hasn't seen him crying before, and he needs to look like an equal here. Or at least more of one.]

I understand that. But you have to realize what things in life are distractions. Some things can take you away from what's important. I do plenty of things in life, but I use my duty to help others as the base.

[He tilts his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He's really not in the mood to argue or have any kind of serious discussion, but it seems Mitsuzane's particular on pressing for one tonight.]

I know. But you can't work all the time. You can't use 'duty' as an excuse to forget to live. Especially not now. If you give away everything of yourself, you won't have anything left. It's not like you're less important than other people. You want to save everyone, but you're forgetting to save yourself.

[It's not like he wants other people to get hurt. Not really. But being pushed into things all the time just seems like a bad idea. It's okay to be selfish sometimes.]

I don't need anything in return for what I'm doing. To be able to help people, to save people, to have the power to make that sort of change... no one else has the influence I do. I can make it happen.

[He sighs, a long, deep breath.]

Then you're doing a disservice to the people who care about you. I don't want you to lose everything just to save other people.

[He reaches out to grab at Takatora's shirt, tugging at it gently.]

What about me? I don't want to lose my brother. But you're... just getting farther away.

I'm sure you would be fine without me.

[It's... a little more than he wants to admit. He wants to protect Mitsuzane, of course, more than anything, but the dull ache in his cheek reminds him of their current dynamic. He lifts his head at the tug, looking over at him.]

It would be best to leave things as they are.

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