heavenlydecree | the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

[Takatora had, as usual, buried himself in work all day. He'd even stayed out far later than usual due to a few back-to-back business meetings, though he'd been kind enough to spare a few moments to let Mitsuzane know. He didn't want his younger brother to worry about where he was or why he wasn't home on time. Unfortunately, he was a bit vague with saying "probably around midnight". It had been one of those nights, meetings followed by outings and social drinking. Takatora had honestly never cared for it, but it was something he did because it made business partners happy. People talked a lot more when they had alcohol in their system as well, but Takatora had been careful to be polite in his acceptance of drinks while still going slow enough to maintain his composure. There was always the sinking concern that someone would manipulate information out of him while he was vulnerable. He couldn't allow that to happen.

By the time he returns home, it's closer to twelve-thirty. His clothing and everything about him smells of smoke and alcohol. It makes him a bit self-conscious, knowing it's completely out of character for him. He'd even, on one of his rare instances, accepted a cigarette from a colleague. It was a strange and nostalgic happening, but Takatora had thoroughly washed his mouth out afterwards. Still, the smell of smoke from that and the bar itself clung to him.

Takatora rubs at the back of his neck as he walks through the home, anxious to change out of his clothes. However, in passing Mitsuzane's door, he hesitates and then doubles back. It would be best to check on him in case he'd waited up. So he knocks, careful and light.]

Mitsuzane?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The tensing of Mitsuzane's body makes Takatora withdraw immediately. He's not sure if it's Mitsuzane's own emotions making him skittish or if it's a fear of Takatora, but he'd rather err on the side of caution.]

What do you want right now?

... I don't know.

[Forgiveness, for one, but he's not sure if he can accept it right now. He wants to have a chance to be his own person. To pursue his own path. To do what he wants to do, what he needs to do, rather than what he's expected to do.]

You... I don't know. I just... I'm tired of being told what to do. You always...

[Is he really going to go there? But it's not like he can do much more damage.]

... You always seem to think you know what's best for me. And sometimes you do. But sometimes you don't. I know there's things I'm expected to do, but... why can't I have interests other than those things?

[Takatora listens, giving Mitsuzane his full attention. After he's done talking, Takatora waits for a few more moments, the sick feeling in his stomach coming back again. He can't tell the truth, not everything, and he can't be too personal, but...]

Is it all right if I lie down with you?

... That's fine.

[He doesn't really want to be that close to Takatora right now, but if he refuses he'll just hurt him more.]

[Even though he receives an affirmative answer, Takatora doesn't bother to move.]

Do you understand that I'm only trying to protect you?

From what? What are you protecting me from by forcing me into subjects that I hate? I know how to study. My grades are fine.

[He bites his tongue after that outburst. Better to limit what he's saying at the moment.]

[At this point, words are coming a bit easier than Takatora would like, partially from the alcohol from earlier and partially from his frustration at Mitsuzane's anger. He didn't understand.]

There are things I can't tell you, but you have to trust me.

Why? Why can't you tell me?

[Is it the forest? That's not what he means in this case. He can protect himself just fine from that stuff, though Takatora doesn't know that.]

Why can't I pick what I want to do?

[Maybe it makes him sound childish, but he wants to know.]

There are certain things Father wants from you. It's not up to me. I want you to succeed, of course. I want you to be the best, because I know you're capable of it. I want you to be proud of yourself.

[Takatora moves back on the bed a bit, pressing his back against the wall. He, however, continues to keep his distance from Mitsuzane.]

We are born forced into our roles. Nothing else is acceptable. Our lives are already planned. If we're to deviate from that path, we can't help anyone.

Why not? You can't think of any way to help anyone other than what we've been forced to do? It's not like you can't do multiple things. It's like like doing something other than business prevents you from... I don't know, donating to a charity or helping the less fortunate.

[He sits up a bit, rubbing his face. It's not like Takatora hasn't seen him crying before, and he needs to look like an equal here. Or at least more of one.]

I understand that. But you have to realize what things in life are distractions. Some things can take you away from what's important. I do plenty of things in life, but I use my duty to help others as the base.

[He tilts his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He's really not in the mood to argue or have any kind of serious discussion, but it seems Mitsuzane's particular on pressing for one tonight.]

I know. But you can't work all the time. You can't use 'duty' as an excuse to forget to live. Especially not now. If you give away everything of yourself, you won't have anything left. It's not like you're less important than other people. You want to save everyone, but you're forgetting to save yourself.

[It's not like he wants other people to get hurt. Not really. But being pushed into things all the time just seems like a bad idea. It's okay to be selfish sometimes.]

I don't need anything in return for what I'm doing. To be able to help people, to save people, to have the power to make that sort of change... no one else has the influence I do. I can make it happen.

[He sighs, a long, deep breath.]

Then you're doing a disservice to the people who care about you. I don't want you to lose everything just to save other people.

[He reaches out to grab at Takatora's shirt, tugging at it gently.]

What about me? I don't want to lose my brother. But you're... just getting farther away.

I'm sure you would be fine without me.

[It's... a little more than he wants to admit. He wants to protect Mitsuzane, of course, more than anything, but the dull ache in his cheek reminds him of their current dynamic. He lifts his head at the tug, looking over at him.]

It would be best to leave things as they are.

No.

[He sits up, frowning.]

I don't want you to leave me. Please don't leave. I just...

[He just what? They can't go back to being innocent brothers anymore. He lets go of his brother's shirt and looks down at him, before scooting over to give his brother a hug.]

I need you...

[It's childish, and he knows it, but the idea of losing Takatora terrifies him. As much as he might rebel against his brother... being without him is unthinkable.]

[This... this was a change. Takatora immediately bristles at the contact, if only because part of him is startled into thinking he'll be attacked again. When he realizes Mitsuzane is only hugging him, he shivers, then drops his hands. ... does he return the embrace, or let his brother continue?

... it's not really much of a choice. He wraps an arm around Mitsuzane's waist, tugging the other closer to him.]

You've already suffered so much because of me...

[He tightens his hold, tilting his head down to rest his face against Mitsuzane's shoulder.]

I'm sorry.

[Is this what he wants? He's not sure what he wants. He just curls up into his brother, trying not to make noise for a few moments.]

... I just wanted to be around you. But I don't want you to get hurt. Is it so wrong to want good things for your family?

No. I've always wanted the best for you, even now.

[This is... nice. Nostalgic. He'd forgotten what it was like to have someone so close. Carefully, Takatora pulls Mitsuzane in closer, holds him tighter, breath steady against Mitsuzane's collar.]

... unfortunately, my desires have always needed to be altered accordingly.

... I know. I know, but it's not fair.

[He reaches up to stroke his brother's hair, like Takatora used to do for him.]

You're not the only one there. You're the highest ranked, but it's not fair that it should all be on you.

[Takatora shivers at the touch, shifting position enough that he can wrap both arms around his brother. He tugs at Mitsuzane, trying to pull him closer.]

... do you think I'd get hurt if I stay close to you?

[Mitsuzane had struck him. ... and it had broken his heart to be yelled at like that. It seemed as though an entirely different person. Maybe the little brother he had loved once was gone.]

I don't mind the weight. If I can help anyone, somehow, I'll do what I can for them.

... Maybe. I don't know. I just...

[There's no real excuse. Nothing that really justified it, other than childish pride.]

I don't like being underestimated. I don't like being called a child. I'm not. I haven't been for a long time.

... I just don't like being told that I have to do something or not do something, that I have to be this way or that way. It's hard to become my own person when I'm being told what sort of person I'm supposed to become. ... I just want the freedom to decide for myself what to be.

[Takatora's silent for a long time, squeezing Mitsuzane tighter against him. It hurts to hear -- worries him -- because he knows Mitsuzane truly isn't ready. To grow up so quickly, to want the responsibilities of an adult, Takatora wishes he knew how to convey to Mitsuzane that it was never as good as anyone expected. Things were still just as bad. There were always people to listen to, to obey. Being an adult removed one person in favor of another.

Softly, Takatora rubs one hand against Mitsuzane's back.]

If you could have anything from me, from life, what would you ask for?

[He's quiet as he thinks over the question. It's not an easy one to answer. He leans into the touch, closing his eyes and trying to think.]

... It depends. If the whole situation here was safe... then freedom. The freedom to choose what I want to do, to be. I love you, and it's not that I don't care about the family, but... I can't see myself being happy in a business setting.

... But with the situation as it is right now... I just want the people I care about to be safe. And that includes you. You're going to work yourself to death, Takatora...

Do you know what you want, or are you trying to figure it out?

[There's the team, of course, but is Mitsuzane truly happy with any of it? It's been so long that Takatora can't remember what he wanted to do when he was younger. He'd always assumed he'd be part of the corporation, knew, expected it, prepared for it, so maybe he had never thought of anything else. The idea that he could have been someone entirely differently baffles him.

Hearing his brother say his name, rather than affectionately referring to him as his brother, makes Takatora tense up again. It really must be a lost cause.]

I won't. I won't die until this reaches its end.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject