heavenlydecree | the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

[Takatora had, as usual, buried himself in work all day. He'd even stayed out far later than usual due to a few back-to-back business meetings, though he'd been kind enough to spare a few moments to let Mitsuzane know. He didn't want his younger brother to worry about where he was or why he wasn't home on time. Unfortunately, he was a bit vague with saying "probably around midnight". It had been one of those nights, meetings followed by outings and social drinking. Takatora had honestly never cared for it, but it was something he did because it made business partners happy. People talked a lot more when they had alcohol in their system as well, but Takatora had been careful to be polite in his acceptance of drinks while still going slow enough to maintain his composure. There was always the sinking concern that someone would manipulate information out of him while he was vulnerable. He couldn't allow that to happen.

By the time he returns home, it's closer to twelve-thirty. His clothing and everything about him smells of smoke and alcohol. It makes him a bit self-conscious, knowing it's completely out of character for him. He'd even, on one of his rare instances, accepted a cigarette from a colleague. It was a strange and nostalgic happening, but Takatora had thoroughly washed his mouth out afterwards. Still, the smell of smoke from that and the bar itself clung to him.

Takatora rubs at the back of his neck as he walks through the home, anxious to change out of his clothes. However, in passing Mitsuzane's door, he hesitates and then doubles back. It would be best to check on him in case he'd waited up. So he knocks, careful and light.]

Mitsuzane?

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Mitsuzane.

[His voice is as firm as he can manage right now. It bothers him even more to see his brother hurting because of him, even if Mitsuzane had been the one to lash out. He pulls back a bit, cradling the side of his brother's face in one hand.]

It's fine.

[He does his best not to move, to barely breathe when Takatora says his name, holds his face. He just looks up at his brother, trying to keep his expression apologetic. It doesn't feel like it's fine. But he doesn't know what else to do...]

[He doesn't want to push his brother farther away, but he needs his space. He doesn't want to bend to his will, but he needs his approval. He doesn't want to be a child anymore, but being an adult has more burdens. He doesn't know what to do.]

[If Takatora's heart had been breaking already with everything else going on, the look Mitsuzane gives him is practically an audible crack. The hand on the side of Mitsuzane's face tenses, the arm around Mitsuzane's waist tugging him in again. It hurts far too much to feel so lost, to have no idea how to help Mitsuzane or how to make his brother happy. If there would be anything he could do, he would do it in an instant, but... there doesn't seem to be an option.

It hurts, to lose the hope that he could help the world and then to lose the hope of helping his brother on top of that.

Takatora's self-control has been slipping all night and even now, with the combination of his tired body and his fogged mind, he can't seem to grasp it. Which is how he finds himself nudging Mitsuzane's face towards, moving in to press a gentle kiss to the other's lips. It's the only thing his mind can think of in the moment, the only way it seems reasonable that he can help, even if it's not. ... but it's instinct, and the weight of his actions won't set in just yet.]

[His eyes widen, and he's frozen for a moment while his brother kisses him. It's almost unthinkable, but... then his body responds without him really directing it. He tilts his head a bit, eyes slipping half-closed as he kisses his brother back. His hands lower to slip around his brother's waist and he presses to him firmly.]

[He's not sure what he's doing, but it feels good and it feels right and he trusts his brother, so there shouldn't be a problem. He lets out a soft sound as he keeps kissing his brother, somewhere between a sigh and a moan.]

[This... this wasn't supposed to be happening. He'd slipped, just for a moment, lost his self-control in a desperate desire to help Mitsuzane somehow, while wanting the affection he'd lost from his beloved younger brother. To have done such a thing, to have messed up so badly, to have finally given into something he'd ignored for years... it almost makes Takatora sick. And he can't tell if it's better or worse that Mitsuzane is kissing him back and grabbing at him, making those noises...

Takatora gasps into the kiss, pressing harder into it, desperately, before he forces himself back. He closes his eyes, tightly, doing his best to force himself back under some sort of control. But it's too late.]

No... No... Don't let me do this...

... Why?

[It's a little hard to pay attention to his brother's words when he can feel something stirring in his chest, demanding to be let out.]

Is this... why you've been avoiding me?

[He reaches out and brushes his fingers down his brother's front.]

It's okay, nii-san. It's okay. I promise...

[Takatora shakes his head a few times, trying to get the thoughts to go away, the feelings, the words Mitsuzane speaks towards him. Mitsuzane doesn't understand, doesn't know how horrible this sort of thing is, how horrible he is for thinking these things, for bringing them on to his little brother.

And there's that name again, the one that makes his chest tighten, bringing back the overwhelming feeling of affection he'd felt for his brother for as long as he can remember.]

I'm sorry... Please forgive me...

[He tilts his head down, tightly gripping Mitsuzane against him.]

I refuse to have you suffer on my behalf.

I'm not suffering on your behalf. You don't understand...

And I'm trying to understand. So just let me...

[He reaches up again to cradle his brother's cheek in his hand, to move his fingers against the skin softly and try to calm him.]

It's okay, nii-san. ... It's okay.

[He wants to run, to panic, to leave the room and avoid this problem as he'd been doing for most of his life, but it's too late for that. Mitsuzane knows and leaving now would only cause more problems. He tenses again at the touch to his cheek, flinching even though he doesn't move away. It takes a few moments, long moments of deep breathing, before he seems to calm down even a little.

When he does, he gives Mitsuzane another squeeze, letting him know he's a bit more reasonable. For now.]

[He leans in to kiss his brother's forehead, before just rocking him gently, trying to get him to calm down even further. It's okay, he wants to whisper. It's all right. But he knows it's not true. But if this is what would make Takatora happy... he needs to take care of his brother.]

I'm here... I'm not leaving...

I suppose it's just one more reason for you to hate me...

[The kiss relaxes him a bit more, but the slight rocking seems to be what does the trick. Takatora makes a soft, content noise, resting his head against Mitsuzane's shoulder. He rubs gently at his brother's back. As long as he's here, Takatora will do his best to enjoy it.]

I don't know how to explain it.

I don't hate you. You're my brother.

[He tilts his head and kisses his brother's head, closing his eyes.]

I love you, nii-san...

[If Mitsuzane doesn't hate him... well, he certainly should. Takatora shivers at the kiss. He has to get himself under control. That's... what he'd done, he couldn't allow himself to slip anymore.

Oh, but hearing those words makes his chest ache and for a brief moment, there's a flare of possessiveness that Takatora quickly attempts to smother. He squeezes Mitsuzane close to him again.]

... I love you too, Mitsuzane.

[It's... He's not sure he can believe it, but he wants to...]

[He tightens his grip a little more, clinging to his brother desperately. He doesn't want him to leave, he doesn't want him to be taken away, he doesn't want his feelings to change. Not for the worse, at least. He can't imagine a world without Takatora, and he doesn't want to.]

I will fight to keep you safe. And if anything gets in the way of that, I'll deal with it myself.

[Why is he not comforted by the sound of that? Takatora allows Mitsuzane to cling to him, rubbing at the other's back, though he leans back enough to look at the other's face, nudging Mitsuzane to look up.]

I don't want you getting hurt unnecessarily for my sake.

[He meets his brother's gaze, determination shining in his eyes. He's not going to budge from this. Not in the least. Takatora will make it out of this alive or he'll die trying to make sure that's the case.]

It's not unnecessary.

[That's... a look he'd never expected to see on his brother's face. Takatora's actually mildly impressed, if not intimidated. Still, he gives Mitsuzane another nudge, frowning at him.]

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you.

[I wouldn't be able to live at all, really, but what's the use in saying that?]

And you think I could if the same happened to you? You may be my older brother but you're still my brother. Family looks after each other. If they don't... I don't feel like they're that much of a family.

... sometimes, I believe you're stronger than I am.

[-- oh. Takatora sits up a bit straighter and turns his head away, blinking a few times to combat the sudden shooting pain in his head. ... was that the alcohol catching up with him again? What time was it? Considering his sleep schedule, being awake for the last twenty-four hours wasn't out of the realm of possibility. But to leave Mitsuzane now? It's really not a good time.]

Mm.

[His gaze softens as he watches his brother. He lifts up a hand to stroke Takatora's hair, tucking it back behind his ear.]

You need to drink some water and go to bed. Don't fall asleep on your desk again, okay? It's bad for your back and your neck.

... I suppose you're right.

[The touch is... nice. Careful. The sort of touch he'd used on Mitsuzane when the other was younger. Right now, it's still hard to feel connected to his emotions and it's getting more difficult the longer he stays in his brother's room. By this point, he's done all he can to push the memory of the kiss out of his mind. He... won't bring it up again. Maybe ever, if Mitsuzane allows it.

Takatora gently tugs himself out of Mitsuzane's hold, pressing a kiss to the top of the other's head. When he stands, it's careful and deliberate.]

Don't stay up too late.

[He nods, and carefully lets his brother go. He... doesn't want to let him leave, but he has to. Takatora needs sleep. He needs sleep, too, but he's not sure if he'll be able to.]

Okay. Just... just rest. I'll see you in the morning, okay?

[He'll have to. It's not really a debate. He wants to make sure that Takatora is okay. Drinking isn't really Takatora's thing, and he knows that people can react badly if they haven't gone out drinking in a while...]

You can check on me, if you'd like.

[There's more than a bit of a hint there that he wants to see Mitsuzane in the morning, or at least some point soon and his condition is a good enough excuse to ask for it. Takatora hesitates for another moment, then leans over and presses another kiss to Mitsuzane's head, this time to the side of his temple.]

Good night, Mitsuzane...

[Takatora stumbles, very briefly, then regains his balance. He stands back up, giving Mitsuzane's hair one final stroke, before he turns to head out of the room.]

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the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

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