heavenlydecree | (no subject)

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[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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[Micchy opened the door, home with sore muscles and a few fresh bruises. He hadn't managed to tell the others what was going on - they didn't need their happiness ruined. Not until he knew that it had to be. He'd mostly sat on the sidelines today, trying to shake the feeling that all of it was growing pointless. What was the use in dancing if he couldn't feel happy about it anymore?]

[One of the low-ranked teams had decided to try to make a move, though, and with the fruit popping up in unexpected places... things had gotten out of hand. Thankfully he and Kouta could handle it fine, but he hadn't escaped unharmed. Kouta, on the other hand, seemed to take to fighting with ease. He still wasn't sure why.]

[The beep from the kitchen startled him, but he didn't see any hint of Ryouma, so it was safe enough to go in. He left his bag near the doorway to the kitchen, having changed out of his team clothes on the way home, and walked up behind his brother, placing a careful hand on his back.]

Nii-san? Do you need help?

[The touch to Takatora's back made him jolt upright. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts and so exhausted by everything that he had nearly fallen asleep again on the spot, but Mitsuzane had managed to wake him up. Thankfully, it wasn't Ryouma as he had first expected it to be, but the touch had brushed one of the mildly painful marks on his back as well.

He hated feeling like this, especially when he couldn't understand exactly why. Takatora's mind was clouded and his energy nearly gone. He was still dressed in casual clothing, his hair fluffed up and untouched. Carefully, Takatora turned in his seat and edged away from Mitsuzane.]

I'll be fine. ... please don't touch me.

[That was the extreme opposite of what he wanted, but his feelings from the night before coupled with how he always felt after being with Ryouma... Well, it never felt right having Mitsuzane around him. Takatora always had to fight down the uncomfortable fear that Mitsuzane would one day realize how weak he really was and how easily he gave in under the right circumstances, but after the night before perhaps his younger brother understood that after all.]

... I'm sorry.

[He took a few steps back, folding his hands behind him.]

Do you want me to make you something? Or help you up to bed? Or should I just... leave you alone?

[In truth he was in a good deal of pain from the bruises he'd just received - he'd been punched out of transformation and sent flying into a table. He needed to get stronger, but he also needed to help his brother. The problem was he wasn't sure how anymore.]

It's not necessary for you to spend time with me, Mitsuzane...

[He wanted to say more, to explain himself, but he couldn't find the words. Instead, Takatora moved to retrieve his food, gathering the necessary items to sit at the counter to eat. At least he wasn't running away yet.]

... I know that. But I... I don't know exactly how I've managed to make you feel... like this.

[In some ways, it was a little disappointing. He thought Takatora would be able to handle whatever he threw at him. Seeing him so defeated... it was discouraging.]

[Maybe he could have pushed a few fewer buttons, but he thought his brother would at least be proud of what he did. Fighting for what he believed in, trying to help keep people safe, and managing to work a lot out on his own...]

I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I just... ah. Never mind. I'll leave you to your meal.

[He turned and went to pick up his bag, ignoring the pain in his back. He'd just take a shower and it would feel better.]

Mitsuzane...

[The other's name had come out before he could stop himself. Really, Takatora was mentally hitting himself for showing such weakness for the last twenty-four hours. He rolls his shoulders back, flinching slightly at the pain, before looking in the other's direction.]

I would like to speak with you, but I won't force you.

[He blinks in surprise, and let go of his bag, turning to face his brother.]

All right.

[At the very least, Takatora seems to have regained his emotions and the air of uncomfortable he's held around Mitsuzane lately. He pats the counter next to him, since having the other sitting close would make talking easier. Even if he couldn't trust himself to be in the other's presence right now.]

[He nods, and crosses over, sitting next to his brother and waiting. He can't quite shake the feeling like he's in serious trouble - it reminds him of when he was younger and he was scolded for one thing or another by their father.]

... I apologize for my behavior last night.

[Takatora bows his head slightly as he speaks, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. It had been a long time since he'd felt this bad about something.]

It was selfish of me to rush off like that and leave you alone. I should have been more considerate about your feelings...

[He, of course, wanted to continue, but the emotions twisting in his chest were becoming too difficult to deal with. Takatora brings one hand up to his face to rub at it, then holds it over his mouth.]

... I'm sorry you have to see me like this.

... While I can't say I understand all of your behavior, that's not a failing on your end at all. I suppose I should have also been... more considerate of your feelings.

[He still won't give up his friends, but maybe trying to spend a little less time... no. The idea makes his stomach twist uncomfortably. It feels too much like betrayal, to people who give to him unconditionally rather than expecting things from him.]

I can explain myself, if there's anything that concerns you.

[Takatora's also trying to distract himself with eating again, now. It might not work very well, but there's something to be said for effort.]

... I'm just not entirely sure why you're upset with me. I tried to... figure things out. I wasn't sure who we could trust, and so I did my best to gather all the information I could before coming to ask you. For all I knew, you could have gotten upset with me, so I wanted to... make it so you couldn't really have anything to hold over me.

I thought you would be at least pleased with how I went about doing things. Maybe it's not the way you would have done it, but I tried to at least be thorough and verify all of my information first.

[As soon as Mitsuzane begins speaking, Takatora hesitates, then turns to give the other a skeptical look.]

Mitsuzane... I was never upset with you.

... The way you reacted made me feel like you were. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted that.

[Takatora sighs heavily. Another thing to scold himself for, apparently.]

I was... immensely upset with myself. There's very little in this world that would make me upset with you.

There... why? You haven't done anything wrong.

[To have Mitsuzane say something like that to him... At first, Takatora couldn't believe it, or what the other was saying. Did Mitsuzane really not notice, somehow?]

I was upset for hiding things from you, for driving you into a position where you had to work to figure out what was going on rather than me telling you outright. ... I was upset for failing to properly protect you. It was... far too overwhelming to deal with everything at once last night, when I didn't believe you knew half that much.

[He lowers his head.]

I've always been a bit naive. I wanted to hope for the scenario that would cause you the least amount of pain. Instead, it backfired and I hurt you more in the end.

[At this, he pauses, biting at his lower lip and refusing to look at Mitsuzane again.]

... do you hate me, Mitsuzane?

... Sooner or later, you weren't going to be able to protect me, and that's not your fault. I'm not a child anymore. While I'm not happy you hid things from me, I think understand why you did.

We both have people we want to protect. You just started at somewhat of an advantage over me.

[He smiles a little, trying not to come on too strong. He doesn't want to push his brother too much. There can't be another situation like last night.]

I don't hate you. You're my brother. I could never hate you.

I understand that. Eventually, once I felt you were ready, I would have given you the position by my side and had you fight with me. ... I suppose you've already done that on your own. I only wanted to keep you safe and happy a little longer.

[At the next line, Takatora fidgets slightly. Really, yes, he wanted to save the world and as many people as possible because it was his responsibility and the right thing to do, but the only person he truly wanted to protect, as he had his entire life, was Mitsuzane.]

I wouldn't blame you if you did.

And I would understand if you hated me. I went behind your back. I subverted your authority. But I did it because I thought it was for the best.

I don't mind fighting if it's to keep my family and friends safe. I haven't told the others anything. They're older, but... they deserve to be happy for a while longer. To not have to worry.

[... Maybe he's more like his brother than he thought. He didn't quite think about that last bit before he said it, but it's true.]

That sounds familiar.

[The words were teasing, but Takatora's tone wasn't. He was still far from the man he'd been the day before, laughing with his brother for what seemed like the first time in years. Quietly, Takatora resumed eating for a few moments, poking at his food more than eating it.]

Even if they're not the type of people I would have imagined you being with... I'm glad you're happy.

... They're kind people. They help each other. Maybe they're not the sort of people you would have running a business, but they're the sort of people who would help someone in need, even if they were to have nothing themselves.

I can't... I don't mind studying hard. I don't mind doing what's needed to prepare to work at the company. I need to blow off steam somehow, though.

As long as you keep your grades up and don't tell Father I'm letting you get away with having fun, I'll allow it.

[It also wasn't until that moment that he realized Ryouma was probably spying on him again, since he'd made the mistake of speaking in a public area again. Oh, well. He'd have to deal with those consequences on his own later, if there were any to worry about. Also, Takatora still didn't seem entirely thrilled with the idea despite how much he seemed to approve of it, but not very much was working with his mood right now.]

[He actually managed to laugh a little bit at that.]

I won't. And whoever's listening to this won't, as well, I suspect.

[It's not that hard to figure out given what Takatora's said. And it's not like much could be done about it anyway. Even if he stopped dancing, they still had Kouta with them, and they were still his friends. Even their father couldn't bring down his displeasure enough to stop him from seeing them.]