heavenlydecree | (no subject)

(no subject)

[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

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[He follows along, squeezing Kouta's hand. It's nice to have a little comfort now, when he's feeling so lost.]

... I think he might suspect, but I don't know for sure. It's not like there's a good way to bring that up.

[Wow, Kouta really wishes he knew how to handle this better. He sits there in silence for a moment, struggling to think it over.]

How do you feel about it?

... I don't know. I want to keep him safe, I want to make him happy but... he's my brother. Feeling that way about someone in your own family is... is wrong, isn't it?

[He doesn't know anymore. He's been trying to sort his feelings out all day but none of them make any sense to him. They're all mixed up in each other.]

[Kouta pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them.]

I don't know. It seems like that sort of thing you'd say is until you're faced with it. ... but that sort of thing used to happen all the time with royalty, right? Brothers and sisters, cousins, that sort of thing...

[Not that it was male siblings, but... it counted. Right?]

[That just... makes him laugh. Royalty... it's both fitting and terrible, and he presses a hand over his eyes while he tries to calm down. It's a somewhat desperate laugh, one that makes him lean against the wall and slide down until he's sitting.]

[Kouta can't help but frown a bit at that, burying his face against his knees, but watching Micchy all the same.]

I guess... I've always been the type to think that as long as everyone's okay with something and it doesn't hurt anyone, then it doesn't matter. I used to... be really scared about the idea of liking other guys. ... I know it's not the same.

S... sorry.

[He finally manages to stop laughing, and look up at Kouta.]

I know it's kind of an... unspoken rule that we don't talk about our families but mine is just... it...

[How to put this?]

It's... very well off. There's... a reason I haven't had most convenience store food. And so 'little prince' is a nickname I've... had before.

-- oh.

[Well, he'd expected part of that, right? ... not quite as much, but now things are sinking in a little more and clearing up some previous confusions.]

... I didn't mean for it to come out weird.

No, it's... it's fine. You're right, though. I just...

[Urgh. Why are feeling so messy and confusing?]

... I don't know how I feel. I think I'm... attracted to both. But my brother is kind of...

[Does he feel that way though? He's not sure. And he's not sure if he wants to try, because he's been rejected enough by his brother lately.]

I'm sorry, Kouta. I don't mean to make everything about my problems lately. Maybe I shouldn't... talk about things like that anymore.

... attracted to both?

[Kouta raises his hands when Micchy starts to back off, waving them a few times.]

No, no, no! It's okay. Let me help you.

... Both guys and girls, I mean.

[Being a teenager is confusing.]

I just... don't... it's stupid and cowardly to say, but I'm just tired of being hurt by him. By me. By... everything.

Aah. Same for me sometimes, I guess. I'm not really sure. I think I just get in the habit of liking whoever likes me.

[Kouta pouts again.]

What's he like?

... That's not healthy, Kouta...

[But he can't fault him for it.]

Mm... he's... he's kind, and brave, and... noble. And he can be really gentle, too. He has a really strong sense of duty. But he works himself too hard and tries to do too much and I'm always worried that he's going to work himself sick. Or worse, to death. It's just the two of us and it has been for a while. We don't talk to our parents much. But he's always taken care of me and he's always tried to protect me. I just... think he doesn't always do it in the right way. I'm not a child anymore. I don't need so much protecting.

[Kouta hums a bit after listening to Micchy, still pouting in response to the other's comment about his habits.]

Do you think maybe that's why he likes you? Or thinks he likes you. Just because it's been the two of you for so long. ... if he works as much as you say he does, then he probably doesn't hang out with anyone else, right? That would also be why he's so protective of you.

... Maybe. I just don't know if it's... he doesn't do much other than work or sleep. Maybe he only thinks he likes me because he doesn't really... have anyone else. He doesn't exactly have a huge social circle.

Or maybe... he really does love me. Like that, I mean. And he would even if he knew more people. But... I don't know

What kind of person lives a life like that anyway? No offense, but... ... it sounds really harsh. I don't know how someone could enjoy something like that.

[Kouta makes a face at that.]

... you probably don't want to talk to him about it, right?

His work is... important. I can understand why he does it, I just... worry about him.

[He just looks up at Kouta somewhat helplessly.]

I don't know if I should bring it up, yeah.

But at the same time, it'll probably get worse if you don't say anything. ... but I don't know if it's better or worse to tell someone how you feel about them.

[After a moment, he looks back up at Micchy.]

How did you feel after you confessed to me?

... I felt better. I... I don't hate him for it. I can understand it, I just don't know how I feel.

But... I don't know if that would be worse than outright rejecting him.

Edited 2014-10-06 04:13 (UTC)

Well... What are our options?

[Kouta folds his legs close, holding up fingers to count as he goes along.]

Option one, you don't say anything about it. Option two, you talk to him about it and tell him you don't have any feelings on it yet. Option three, you wait until you figure out your feelings to talk to him about any of it. ... so what else is after that?

... Yeah. But he's obviously having... he's distressed over it. I can tell. And I want to tell him it's okay, because I don't want him to be hurting anymore. But I don't want to hurt him more...

Do you think it would make things better if you told him now?

[Kouta's not even sure if he should ask what Micchy's plans are if he figures out what to say. ... or if there's even a chance Micchy feels the same.]

... It might. But telling him that I don't know yet might hurt him...

You're right. That's what else I keep thinking about it.

[Kouta grumbles, rubbing the back of his head.]

... I can't hurt him. I can't let him be hurt. I... I won't. I have to protect him...