heavenlydecree | (no subject)

(no subject)

[If there was one thing Takatora was sure he should have learned by now, it would be how to keep his life in perfect running order. He had been the head of Yggdrasill's Research and Development branch from the moment he'd left high school and even before that, his father had kept him on a tight and strict schedule, never a second unaccounted for or left out of place. Unfortunately, with all of Takatora's scheduling and trying to squeeze an extra hour into every day, he still felt as though he never had time for anything, let alone everything. Even his weekends left little time for himself, though Takatora was also painfully aware of his obsession with triple-checking everything under his command and bringing such weight onto himself. He couldn't allow for errors.

His morning routine started a bit later on the weekends, if only because Takatora knew he had to catch up on sleep at some point to make up for running himself ragged. Getting sick was something he couldn't risk. The usual morning routine went by quickly: dragging himself out of bed (he'd never become a morning person, as much as he wanted to), showering, getting dressed, checking for any news or alerts while he had been sleeping. Thankfully, nothing important had happened during the night. Takatora always lived with the fear of something awful happening while he was asleep that he would be unprepared for, but every morning brought the same temporary relief. For now.

Takatora headed out of his room after an hour or so, still checking his phone as he made his way down the hall and towards the stairs. Ryouma already wanted to talk to him about something, which was mildly surprising as Ryouma rarely (never) got out of bed so early, which meant he'd been up all night again. Stepping past one of the maids, Takatora spoke a return greeting to her as he continued on, paying more attention to typing out messages than his surroundings.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hope he does. Lately I'm not sure.

... because you guys were fighting?

[Concerned Pseudo-Older Brother.]

Something like that, yeah.

[He reaches up to grab Kouta's arm, but then pulls back, going back to staring at his shoes.]

[Kouta notices that, moving over to drape his arms over Micchy's shoulders. He's not sure he should be doing something like this, but...]

[Oh. Well then. He wraps his arms around Kouta's and leans back.]

I understand, okay? About how you feel. I don't want my feelings to change how we are. You're still really important to me.

[... is that what this is about?]

... do you want to talk about it?

There's not really anything to talk about. I just... I know I'm young and inexperienced. I have to learn how to handle this.

[Even if it hurts, he has to keep his feelings under control. Even if the pain makes him want to both press himself against Kouta and snap him in two, he can't let it show.]

Ah... I pressed my source by the way. I couldn't find anything about Yuuya. I'll keep trying. I'll find something.

[Kouta presses his lips together at that, dragging the blanket with him as he slides down onto the floor to sit down next to Micchy.]

Handle what?

[The rest of Micchy's words make him frown, seeming a bit distant for a moment. That sounds suspicious, but... he's not sure Micchy will want to talk about it.]

Aah... .... well. Thank you.

... Never mind.

[He leans against Kouta, letting out a long breath.]

Someone has to know. I'll keep looking until I find the truth for you.

[Kouta seems to accept the research part, but he's not accepting the first part.]

Hey. Come on. ... tell me.

I mean... how I feel. It's not as if you're not my friend... it just...

[He can feel his emotions building up, enough to want to snap. But he can't. He has to stay in control.]

You're one of the first people I thought about in that way, okay? But it's not like... throughout my life I won't have it happen again. Both people who agree and people who don't.

I guess. It's really hard to control who you like. There's someone--

[... should he even say this? Would it be too much? Kouta decides to err on the side of being open and honest. It would be uncomfortable for Micchy to think he was hiding something.]

There's someone else I've liked. ... not in the way you like me, but... they're really attractive. And strong. ... and cool. But I know it wouldn't ever work out, so I'm ... I accept that.

[No, now he just feels like he's rambling without a purpose...]

I want to do what I can for you because you're important to me, Micchy.

[He nods, and lets out a breath. He doesn't know what to say to that.]

You're important to me, too. I... never want anything to happen to take away your happiness.

[Kouta hesitates for a few moments, before reaching over to rest his fingers on Micchy's face, turning the other's attention towards him.]

What would make you happy?

[... It's hard, very hard, not to shiver under the other's touch. He smiles a bit and shakes his head slightly, pressing his hand to cover Kouta's.]

What would make me happy isn't that important. I guess if it's anything, it's the rest of you being safe. I can fight. You shouldn't have to. Let me take things on for you. Please...

[The response makes Kouta's heart sink. He knows he's in dangerous territory, that he shouldn't be talking about these things, not when he's so scared of what he could mess up.]

Don't say that. What makes you happy is important to me.

[The pleading tone really doesn't sit well with him.]

... if you could be selfish without any consequences, what would you want?

[He doesn't know what to say. Should he be honest? But he can't be. It hurts... but he has to keep himself together. He can't tell him. He lowers his gaze, pulling his legs up into his chest.]

That's... not something I can really tell you, Kouta. I... I don't want to hurt you.

Oi, oi...

[Kouta lowers his hand, resting it on one of Micchy's knees.]

I want you to tell me. You can't hurt me. I'm... ... more worried about hurting you. But if there's anything you want, if you won't regret it or hate yourself...

[He trails off awkwardly, wondering how he could even finish that.]

Kouta, please... I can't... I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to put you in danger. Haven't you already done enough for us? For me?

You... You won't hurt me. ... please. Let me help you.

[For Kouta, there's really no such thing as too much self-sacrifice. Aside from that, he feels a fair bit selfish, pushing Micchy so hard.]

I can't.

[That's all he can say, and he presses his forehead into his knees. He can't take away Kouta's happiness. He won't.]

[Kouta hesitates for a few moments, then slides closer, moving his hand back up to thread his fingers through Micchy's hair. He tilts his head down, pressing a careful kiss to Micchy's cheek while keeping his voice quiet.]

... just don't let me hurt you.

... You couldn't. And I don't want you to regret anything. I don't... want to come between you and Yuuya.

I won't regret anything as long as I don't hurt you.

[Kouta presses his lips together, looking mildly conflicted.]

Yuuya... ... we're not... really together anymore... ... and he always really liked you. So he would want me to make sure you're happy, too.

Kouta...

[He leans against the other a bit, letting out a frustrated breath.]

It's okay. You don't have to do this for my sake.