the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

[heavenlydecree]

[Takatora had, as usual, buried himself in work all day. He'd even stayed out far later than usual due to a few back-to-back business meetings, though he'd been kind enough to spare a few moments to let Mitsuzane know. He didn't want his younger brother to worry about where he was or why he wasn't home on time. Unfortunately, he was a bit vague with saying "probably around midnight". It had been one of those nights, meetings followed by outings and social drinking. Takatora had honestly never cared for it, but it was something he did because it made business partners happy. People talked a lot more when they had alcohol in their system as well, but Takatora had been careful to be polite in his acceptance of drinks while still going slow enough to maintain his composure. There was always the sinking concern that someone would manipulate information out of him while he was vulnerable. He couldn't allow that to happen.

By the time he returns home, it's closer to twelve-thirty. His clothing and everything about him smells of smoke and alcohol. It makes him a bit self-conscious, knowing it's completely out of character for him. He'd even, on one of his rare instances, accepted a cigarette from a colleague. It was a strange and nostalgic happening, but Takatora had thoroughly washed his mouth out afterwards. Still, the smell of smoke from that and the bar itself clung to him.

Takatora rubs at the back of his neck as he walks through the home, anxious to change out of his clothes. However, in passing Mitsuzane's door, he hesitates and then doubles back. It would be best to check on him in case he'd waited up. So he knocks, careful and light.]

Mitsuzane?

Comments

[grapeeater]

[He tightens his grip again, just enough to be painful. He looks up, making a good effort to keep tears out of his eyes.]

How do you even know that I'm not?

[... Maybe that was a little harsh. He lets out an annoyed breath, but doesn't loosen his grip.]

I just... I want to be with you. You're so precious to me... I just... I love you, and I want to make sure you're safe... I want to be with you, and I want to make you happy. I don't... I don't want to push you, just...

[It's hard to explain. He leans in again and presses a kiss to Takatora's cheek.]

Please...

[heavenlydecree]

[Takatora flinches from the hold, moving and shifting his weight back to stand closer to Mitsuzane again. The words... hurt more than his wrist, really. No, he didn't know much about his brother at all anymore, which just made the situation worse.]

Then what do you suggest, Mitsuzane? What would you want from me? I barely have the time to be your brother, let alone a boyfriend or--

[No, he will not say 'lover', it's far too inappropriate... The kiss makes him flinch, though he doesn't pull away.]

... I don't have time for anyone.

[grapeeater]

[... He lets his hand fall away and pulls back a little, sighing.]

I know. I just... I know you're busy, I just want to... I want to be close. We don't even have to do anything that much, I just... want to hold you. I want you to hold me. I want to be able to express affection towards you without being afraid that you won't want it.

[heavenlydecree]

The only problem is that I'd want it too much. ... which also seems to be the case for you. I'm not sure I trust myself to be close to you, regardless of what you want.

[Earlier had been proof of that...]

[grapeeater]

... So you - I see.

[He doesn't feel safe. That's... understandable, but disappointing.]

I suppose... that makes sense. I just... I don't want to be treated like a child. I just want you to see me as someone who can make his own choices.

[heavenlydecree]

I would simply rather avoid my self-control slipping again.

[How can he tell what he'll do next time? And then... being in bed together, Mitsuzane holding him like that... Takatora shivers at the thought and does his best to hide it. He turns away and walks to the opposite side of his room, digging out a shirt and pants to sleep in. Maybe the extra layers will help, but he's starting to doubt it.]

[grapeeater]

[He starts laughing a little, and presses his hand over his mouth to stop.]

S... sorry. I thought you were talking about me losing control... and not like that.

[It's a little bit of a relief, actually. He doesn't mind the idea of his brother losing control in a more intimate way. Actually, the idea is attractive. Maybe he should play with it...]

[heavenlydecree]

[The laugh catches Takatora completely off guard, who turns halfway through getting his pants on to look over in Mitsuzane's direction. He doesn't seem to think it's funny.]

No, I... ... I'm... simply trying to avoid any problems.

[grapeeater]

I don't really see a problem with that, nii-san~.

[He draws out the word, a big smile on his face. It's not exactly a bad thing. Takatora could do with losing control a little bit.]

[heavenlydecree]

[... great, now Takatora's face is red again and he's nearly pouting. He finishes putting on his pants and tugs on his shirt, before stalking back to the bed. ... which he's not entirely sure is a good idea.]

... it's inappropriate.

[grapeeater]

So? That doesn't mean it's a problem. A lot of things are inappropriate... if you do them in the wrong place. At home there's not a lot that's inappropriate. It's not like I'm going to kiss you in front of your coworkers.

[heavenlydecree]

[Congratulations, Mitsuzane. You've actually gotten Takatora to stop arguing. He simply huffs and doesn't bother retaliating, climbing back into bed. He gives Mitsuzane his space, settling in on the other half.]

[grapeeater]

[He just rolls his eyes a little.]

Why are you so upset over this?

[heavenlydecree]

[Takatora pauses, then looks over at Mitsuzane as though waiting for him to realize the answer himself.]

There are more answers to that question than I believe you're willing to hear.

[grapeeater]

[He makes a show of settling down and just looks at Takatora. Well?]

[heavenlydecree]

[Really, Mitsuzane? Takatora has to fight the urge to roll his eyes.]

The consequences of us ... being involved, were anyone to ever find out. [Ryouma doesn't count...] The potential of you changing your mind once you're too far in. The implication that I'm forcing you into something you don't want by exercising my power. ... and the fact that I've been struggling with these feelings for a very long time. ... to summarize.

[grapeeater]

So we be careful. And if we change our minds... then we do. It doesn't stop you from being my brother. I'm telling you that I want it. And... well. I have been, too. Not as long as you, maybe, but... still.

[There's been dreams... but he was always afraid of saying something.]

[heavenlydecree]

[Takatora takes a long, deep breath, then gives Mitsuzane a slight nudge.]

Turn the light off and go to bed, Mitsuzane.

[With that, he begins shifting the covers around to settle in.]

[grapeeater]

[He huffs in annoyance and turns off the light, before curling up a little and pressing himself against his brother's back.]

[heavenlydecree]

[... well, now he knows he has to ask.]

What is it?

[grapeeater]

Nothing. I just want to be close to you.

[And maybe press the issue a little.]

[heavenlydecree]

[Takatora sighs, then turns over and adjusts his position so that he can wrap one arm around his brother's waist. He's careful at least, hoping he can keep things... calm.]

[grapeeater]

[He nuzzles into his brother's chest, smiling a bit.]

[heavenlydecree]

Nothing else?

[... he doesn't trust you, Mitsuzane.]

[grapeeater]

I love you.

[How's that for something else?]