heavenlydecree | the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

the moon is rising on this dangerous night //

[Takatora had, as usual, buried himself in work all day. He'd even stayed out far later than usual due to a few back-to-back business meetings, though he'd been kind enough to spare a few moments to let Mitsuzane know. He didn't want his younger brother to worry about where he was or why he wasn't home on time. Unfortunately, he was a bit vague with saying "probably around midnight". It had been one of those nights, meetings followed by outings and social drinking. Takatora had honestly never cared for it, but it was something he did because it made business partners happy. People talked a lot more when they had alcohol in their system as well, but Takatora had been careful to be polite in his acceptance of drinks while still going slow enough to maintain his composure. There was always the sinking concern that someone would manipulate information out of him while he was vulnerable. He couldn't allow that to happen.

By the time he returns home, it's closer to twelve-thirty. His clothing and everything about him smells of smoke and alcohol. It makes him a bit self-conscious, knowing it's completely out of character for him. He'd even, on one of his rare instances, accepted a cigarette from a colleague. It was a strange and nostalgic happening, but Takatora had thoroughly washed his mouth out afterwards. Still, the smell of smoke from that and the bar itself clung to him.

Takatora rubs at the back of his neck as he walks through the home, anxious to change out of his clothes. However, in passing Mitsuzane's door, he hesitates and then doubles back. It would be best to check on him in case he'd waited up. So he knocks, careful and light.]

Mitsuzane?

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[Takatora actually manages a small laugh against Mitsuzane's skin. That movement certainly hadn't gone unnoticed, though Takatora's avoiding mentioning it. Still, his fingers dig in a bit more at Mitsuzane's skin. It's hard to tell if Takatora's being desperate or possessive. ... or both.]

I feel my life has enough drama. ... though light-hearted has never been my style, either.

I -

[He's distracted by Takatora's movements, and he shifts a little more, reaching to draw his fingers down his brother's back gently, fingers brushing the bare skin.]

True... you're so difficult to pick for, nii-san~.

[It takes far too much effort to cut off the soft noise that escapes him. His self-control is all but shattered at this point, thanks to his exhaustion and the (finally) waning effects of alcohol. He buries his face against Mitsuzane's shoulder to muffle himself. Oh, how long had it been since someone had touched him like this?

With what little control Takatora has remaining, he reluctantly, painfully sits back up and carefully begins to put a small amount of space between them.]

I wouldn't mind horror movies or drama, if my life was a little less eventful.

Mm. I see.

[He pouts slightly, and looks down a little bit. Is he really so afraid?]

Nii-san... what are you afraid of? I'm not going to hurt you... I promise. Okay?

[Whoops.]

That's not it.

[Note, there is no I'm not afraid of you, because... well, after Mitsuzane's outburst, Takatora can't help but be a little frightened of him. To have Mitsuzane lashing out like their father... it had brought up a lot of unpleasant memories.]

I'm ...

[giving you space? Takatora's fumbling for words again, unsure what he should say that doesn't come out sounding horrible. ]

... You're what, exactly?

[He pulls back a little so he can reach out and put a hand on Takatora's cheek, trying to get him to look directly at him.]

Just tell me.

[At first, Takatora complies. He looks back at Mitsuzane's face, meeting his gaze, but he only manages to hold it for a few moments before he can't help but look away again.]

I'm concerned I'm giving you the wrong idea.

Then tell me what the right idea is. I know you can use your mouth -

[Oh. That was the wrong thing to say. He flushes bright red and looks down, clearing his throat.]

[The double meaning of Mitsuzane's words seems to fly right past Takatora, until he notices the other's reaction. At that point, his brain works a little harder, then a color rises in his own cheeks again. Wow, what a dirty mind his precious little brother seemed to have.]

... what I did earlier... I shouldn't have brought that on you.

[Does he really have to talk about this?]

That's not - I mean -

[Does he really have to talk about this? How much is Takatora going to remember?]

I... I mean... I'm not... I don't... mind. It's... it's nice.

It's inappropriate and an abuse of my power.

[And... a lot of other things, but Takatora's mind isn't working enough to list them. He moves away a little more, brushing his hand over Mitsuzane's hair, before he moves to get out of bed. If Mitsuzane's going to stay in his room... well, he needs to put on something more appropriate than just wearing black underwear.]

But - nii-san...

[How should he even put this? There's no way to do it without sounding... well. Wrong.]

I don't mind, really.

[He reaches out to grab Takatora's wrist lightly. He doesn't want to pull too hard, but he does want to hold onto his brother.]

I just... want to be close to you. I want to hold you and be held by you. I want... I want to be with you, because you make me feel safe and I hope I help make you feel safe, too.

[Don't mind sounds too much like Mitsuzane is going along with it for his sake, but Takatora pauses and doesn't bother to pull away when he's stopped.

... safe? After what had happened earlier, Takatora's not so sure either of them should feel safe.]

Then I'll stay close to you. I'll protect you. ... but I will not take advantage of you.

Is it taking advantage of me if I want you to, though?

[He strokes Takatora's skin with his thumb, blushing a bit.]

I've... I mean, I've thought of it... you're really the only person I know who I can... trust like that. I know you'll never hurt me on purpose. So... so maybe at least just... think about it...

I have a responsibility as your elder, your superior, and your brother to look out for you. ... You're very young, Mitsuzane. You'll have no trouble finding someone you want to be with like that. ... to think of me in such a way... I suppose it's only natural, considering how close we used to be, but you'll realize once you're older...

[Takatora trails off, briefly, his stomach twisting painfully at his words. ... no, his feelings had never gone away. And he hated himself for that.]

... there are much better options than resorting to such things.

I don't want another option. I want you.

[His grip tightens a little bit, but not enough to hurt - just enough to get his point across.]

Is it so hard to imagine? That I care about you this much? That I want to share things with you? I want to be with you, nii-san. I just... I want you to be happy with it, too. I don't... want to force you... but I do want it...

[He presses his lips to his brother's arm gently, just ghosting along his skin. He closes his eyes and lets out a soft sigh, letting his warm breath tickle Takatora's skin.]

[Takatora nearly jerks his hand back at the touch, simply because he hadn't been expecting it. He gasps in a breath at the warmth, turning his head to look down at his brother while keeping part of his body turned away.]

Mitsuzane... please...

Please what, Takatora? Do you think I'm lying? Or do you just think I don't know any better? I'm sixteen, and while I admit that I don't know a lot about some things... I'm old enough to know who I love.

No. You aren't.

[With that, Takatora attempts to tug his arm away again. This really is ... insane... Maybe things will be better once they've slept.]

[He tightens his grip again, just enough to be painful. He looks up, making a good effort to keep tears out of his eyes.]

How do you even know that I'm not?

[... Maybe that was a little harsh. He lets out an annoyed breath, but doesn't loosen his grip.]

I just... I want to be with you. You're so precious to me... I just... I love you, and I want to make sure you're safe... I want to be with you, and I want to make you happy. I don't... I don't want to push you, just...

[It's hard to explain. He leans in again and presses a kiss to Takatora's cheek.]

Please...

Edited 2015-03-18 03:05 (UTC)

[Takatora flinches from the hold, moving and shifting his weight back to stand closer to Mitsuzane again. The words... hurt more than his wrist, really. No, he didn't know much about his brother at all anymore, which just made the situation worse.]

Then what do you suggest, Mitsuzane? What would you want from me? I barely have the time to be your brother, let alone a boyfriend or--

[No, he will not say 'lover', it's far too inappropriate... The kiss makes him flinch, though he doesn't pull away.]

... I don't have time for anyone.

[... He lets his hand fall away and pulls back a little, sighing.]

I know. I just... I know you're busy, I just want to... I want to be close. We don't even have to do anything that much, I just... want to hold you. I want you to hold me. I want to be able to express affection towards you without being afraid that you won't want it.

The only problem is that I'd want it too much. ... which also seems to be the case for you. I'm not sure I trust myself to be close to you, regardless of what you want.

[Earlier had been proof of that...]

... So you - I see.

[He doesn't feel safe. That's... understandable, but disappointing.]

I suppose... that makes sense. I just... I don't want to be treated like a child. I just want you to see me as someone who can make his own choices.

I would simply rather avoid my self-control slipping again.

[How can he tell what he'll do next time? And then... being in bed together, Mitsuzane holding him like that... Takatora shivers at the thought and does his best to hide it. He turns away and walks to the opposite side of his room, digging out a shirt and pants to sleep in. Maybe the extra layers will help, but he's starting to doubt it.]

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